She used to be a strict, harsh mother who never showed her daughter any affection. She was constantly critical, even when her daughter made the effort to cook for her. Such harshness put extreme strain on the relationship.
Something special helped close the gap between them, and inspired them to share their feelings, encourage each other, and express their love. What turned them into a loving mother and daughter who tell each other everything? Watch to find out!
I was adopted at birth. My mom’s upbringing has influenced me a lot. She was really strict. And that is how I have been raising my daughter.
She is very strict. I put a lot of pressure on myself. When I thought I had done quite well, my mom would disapprove and tell me to do better. She always wanted me to do better than other people. And she would say my future depends on it. That is why I hated her sometimes. But when I managed to do better than my classmates, I couldn’t help but admit that I actually love her.
Sometimes, when I had to cook for my mom, I felt really angry. “So annoying. I have to cook for her again.” Cooking for her was scary. If I did badly, I would get criticized. Once, I cooked her a meal and she got really mad when she saw it. She said, “What is this? I never taught you to cook like this.”
That was when I got home from work. My husband asked her to cook me a meal to make my life easier. She was really excited when I got home. “Mommy! Dinner is served, it is on the table!” I put my chopsticks down when I saw the food. She also had a puzzled look. “What is this?” I asked. “The egg, the chicken and the vegetable are all white. Would you eat something as bland as this?”
That was what I said. She didn’t cry in front of me, but I knew she cried in the bathroom. Then she came back and said, “Mom, I am sorry, I will make your food more colorful next time.” She apologized to me. At that time, I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I was very stern and strict with her. I never hugged her or held her hands. I thought about it; why was I like this?
Even when I was little, I hated hugs and kisses. I thought saying “I love you” and giving encouragement sounded so fake. I really didn’t like that. I was cold to people. Maybe I love you in my heart, but I don’t like to express it.
Before I joined Bodhi Meditation, she started complaining a lot. Like, “Why always me? Why don’t you ask my brother to do it?” I was quite worried about this. Still, I behaved like a typical parent, and I expected her to do everything I said. That was my only way of being.
Since joining Bodhi Meditation, I have been listening to Master’s teachings. Master taught us to repent, be grateful, and always be compassionate to our family and the people around us. Most importantly, Master talked a lot about parenting and even mentioned the problems he had with his own children. Many problems are actually caused by parents. I started to slowly realize my problem.
6 months after I joined, I asked her if she would like to come along. While driving to the center, I apologized to her. I told her I had hurt her feelings with my words. I know that my words were extremely hurtful. They were not what a mother should say to her child. I thought just apologizing to her wasn’t enough. I needed to do more.
So, I repented in front of Guanyin Bodhisattva. I needed to do it, because I thought what I had done could not be fixed with just an apology. I thought if I got her to join Bodhi Meditation, Master’s power could make up for some of the mistakes I have made.
She apologized to me about what she had done wrong. I told her many things. I felt like I should be the one apologizing because I had failed to meet her expectations. I was wrong, not her.
My daughter loves me and I love her too. I love my mom and my mom loves me. We all know there was a huge gap between us and it is Master and Buddha who helped close the gap. I could tell Master that I have been a good daughter to my dad, but I can’t tell Master with confidence that I have treated my mom well.
During the retreat on November 17, 2019, I was chanting The Six-Syllable Mantra to my mom. At that time, I reflected on many things. So, I started offering lights to my mom and chanting for her, like how my daughter was doing for me.
Now, I tell my mom how my day was at school and she advises me on how to deal with school issues. She says things like “well done” or “good job.” She also tells me what is on her mind, and about her days at Jiayi Center. She tells me how happy she is and what new tasks she is doing. And then we encourage each other.
I love you.
I love you too.
(Say love out loud.)
Note: This video contains tear-jerking moments.
The intent of the testimonial is to offer wellness information of a general nature. Individual results of practice may vary.
